“Oh-no! She could lose her scholarship or have to drop out of school. Her whole entire life is going to be in shambles.”; “He had such a promising football career until he got that girl pregnant. What a waste.”; “I was just getting started on my career. A baby is not part of my plan.”
I have never bought into the idea that people, especially women, have to choose between parenthood and professional goals. Getting an education and a career are not off the table after becoming a parent. Too many people seem to think that getting pregnant means you’re “stuck” raising a kid. People justify birth control and abortion saying that a person’s life could be ruined by getting pregnant. I’m sorry folks, but that is hogwash. Absolute malarky.
There are too many examples of people that have successfully juggled their education, professional goals, and parenthood. I am not saying it isn’t challenging or hard. I am also not say everyone has the means to do it. I just never see pregnancy as some unexpected burden that puts a stop to your life. An unexpected pregnancy at an “inconvenient time” is really just a new turn in the road. It’s a new opportunity.  A new little something added to the equation that still works out to be your life. Want to know who my favorite example of this is?…
IT’S MY MOM!!
 
momMy mom got married when she was 18 years old, and that’s after she had already started college. When she was around 20, she got pregnant with me. She went to Planned Parenthood for the pregnancy test, and after it came back positive, they asked if she wanted to keep it (ME). She said yes and they sent her on her way. When I was born, she took a year off from school so she could take care of me while her husband at the time went to work.
I was about nine months old when she went back to school. I should also note that she didn’t do it alone. Not everybody is this fortunate, but she had some financial help from her family. She didn’t live close enough to family for them to come over and help out, but they could help pay for childcare while she went to class. My mom was able to move forward with her education and take care of me at the same time. My (bio)-dad was working construction and he was pretty good at bringing home a pay check. Unfortunately, that was all he was good at. He was a terrible dad and an even worse husband. I am not going to share much about that and just move on to my mother leaving that mess.
At 22 my mom was divorced and still had an internship to finish before she could graduate. With my dad almost completely out of the picture, she needed some support from her family so she could complete her internship. Her family stepped in to provide the support she needed. So there my mom was, finishing up her education and raising a 2 year old by herself. She was navigating parenthood at a very young age, finishing up her education, and the only emotional support she had living nearby was her best friend (who had a child almost the exact same age as me). Not the most ideal situation, but she made it work.
At the end of her internship, the hospital she was at ended up hiring her. Now she had her education, a job, and me. She was able to support us on her own and wasn’t completely dependent on her family. If that’s not a success story of a strong woman, I don’t know what is.
My mom eventually got remarried to the man I call Dad and eventually had my sister. Mom did the stay at home gig for a little while, and she liked it, but after a while a great job/career opportunity came along, and she took the job. My mom is a smart, hard-working woman, and she advanced at the company she worked for and was very successful. Most importantly, she was even better at being our mom than she was at having a career.
Our parents were instrumental at teaching us about work ethic, achieving goals, and how to be a family. They were awesome together, but I will always look at my mother with great admiration for what she did on her own under what seemed like impossible circumstances. She will tell you it wasn’t  easy, but I know she wouldn’t change a thing.
A QUICK SIDE NOTE:

  • I myself am a stay at home dad. I have a degree and I was a teacher for 5 years. To be honest, I never cared too much about a career or finding huge success in the professional arena. But… I always knew I wanted to be a husband and a father. I didn’t just want the title either, I wanted to be the best at it. Being a stay at home parent is the career I was meant to have. This is where I find the most success and fulfillment. Thinking back, I never sought to do this job. This is just where my journey has taken me. So if you think I am saying you have to be a working parent to have an awesome story or be seen as a strong person, you’re wrong. We SAHPs have our awesome stories about strength and achieving goals too. Just don’t let anyone ever tell you that having children means you can’t do something else too.
  • Yes, my mother was very blessed that her family was willing and able to help her out. I know that some women are not that fortunate. A lot of women have abortions because they feel like there is no way they can move forward with their goals if they are strapped with taking care of a child. What they should know is that there are plenty of grants and programs out there that they can take advantage of. Child care, rent, utilities, scholarships, it’s all out there to help them get on their feet.